The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

This week has been busy.  And as with most weeks, there was the good, the bad, and the even worse.  

Two goods this week though:   A few weeks ago I was working on a Shutterfly Photo Book for Noah's second year.  Literally from his first birthday to his second birthday.  I spent a lot of time on it; like close to 30 hours.  And I spent a lot of time whining about it; like probably 30 hours (Here & Here again).  I got an email saying it was going to arrive sometime between today (Saturday) and Thursday but it came yesterday! And it looks amazing.  It looks exactly like it did on the computer, the fonts, colors, photos, sizes.  I worried that after putting in so much time that I would be disappointed.  But I'm not.  I love it.  I'm glad I did it and stuck with it after I nearly quite 100 times.  Though I should probably start working on Noah's 3rd year now...

The other good:  I ran a 5K this morning.  I haven't run a race since The 4 on the 4th race on... the 4th of July.  I've been running regularly (September runs) and running with Noah in the stroller since it's nicer out during the day and darker out when he goes to bed.  But since the American Tobacco Trail is closed, I'm having to run a tougher course (my hilly 'hood) with a 28.1lb toddler and a 25lb stroller.  My runs have been over 10 minute miles crossing the 11 minute mile mark! So a few weeks ago I was supposed to run a 5k and I totally backed out when I found out it started at 8am. This morning, I woke up at 4am to a crazy thunder storm, open windows, and a barking dog.  But I've only run 4 races where it hasn't rained, today's race started at 9am, and it's literally 8 minutes from my house.  Systems were a go!  The temperature outside when we started was actually pretty good, mid 60s but it was pouring about 3 minutes before we started. It rained off and on during the race, but only poured again once.  The temperature did continue to rise so it was warmer by the end.  I didn't really look at the course map before the race (I don't look at restaurant menus either) and didn't realize the race starts and ends in a weird spot, at least a quarter mile away from where the Editor and Noah were waiting for me to finish.  So I knew I had to save some energy to actually walk to the car.  I had no idea what my time would be, considering my training times were so high.  But I was happy with my time; really happy actually.  I finished 27:50 which is a minute slower than my fastest 5K time ever (Eve Carson Nov. 2011 26:53).  This is the first time I haven't improved my time from my last race, but it's been 11months so that's okay with me!

The Bad:  I didn't finish my book club book.  Nightwoods by Charles Frazier.  I know this isn't a big deal to most people, but it was really embarrassing to me.  I always finish even if I hate the book. I had 'READ" on my to-do list every single day for a week.  And I was hosting!  My book clubbers were surprised too.  One even said, "I would have thought you finished this book in an hour because it only took me a day!"  Frazier's writing style is hard for me to speed read my way through.  I'm not sure if I'll finish it or not.  I know all the details, and I got it electronically from the library (it's already expired, I just haven't turned my wi-fi back on yet) so I'm thinking I'll just let it go... I'm almost ashamed; more embarrassed and really disappointed in myself.

The Ugly:  As I was getting into the car  to go to the 5K this morning, I dropped a Nutragrain bar from my handbag and then another thud. I dropped my iPhone; 391 days after I got it.  In it's Otterbox Commuter case that had a piece break off of it about a month ago.   So the screen shattered into the craziest spider web I've ever seen.  Noah quickly caught wind of what was happening and said, "Oh NO! Mommy's phone is broken.  Mommy fix it!"  I tend to be the fixer of things in our house.  He said it so tearfully it was both sad and cute.  I'm not sure why it was so upsetting to him.  So if anyone is selling their AT&T iPhone 4 as they upgrade to a 5- let me know!  I'll buy it from you.   That's my plan I guess.  The Editor talked to the AT&T people and they advised buy a used one or wait until April when I get a new one.  Maybe this will help me un-plug a bit but it's really annoying!

The Perfect Mother Doesn't Exist - Bringing Up Bebe

Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I've had this book since last Friday and couldn't bring myself to pick it up for over a week.  I'm not sure why exactly I was eyeing the book on my nightstand but not actually picking it up.  After I started reading it I immediately regretted waiting.  I already waited for months on the library wait list (#68) proving I'm not the last person to read this book and it's already months past when this book was a relevant topic of discussion in the mom circles.  Once I started reading I couldn't stop.  I want to be Pamela Druckerman's American friend navigating the streets of Paris with her and figuring out how to make Noah a better little human (ie: for him to understand No, Stop, we don't throw food, and you do not run away from Mommy).

I remember this book being a hot button topic around the mom circuit but honestly I cannot remember what the outrage was. Was it outrage? I don't remember it being positive.  After reading the book, I have nothing negative to say.  I didn't feel that Druckerman was saying French moms do it better than American moms.  I see her pointing out differences and why those differences are positive.  She seems honest in her own parenting steps and missteps and comfort zones. For me a lot of it makes complete sense, common sense.   

Maybe it's a personality thing; perhaps I'm Parisian at heart.  I chose not to breastfeed my child, months before I had him; and I didn't though I did puree lots and lots of mostly organic fruits and vegetables.   A nurse in the hospital told me after Noah was born that the first thing a baby has to learn to do away from it's mother is sleep.  I took this information to heart and while Noah was not a great sleeper, he eventually did learn to sleep 12 hours in his crib at 7 months old.  I left Noah to go on a day ski trip when he was 5 months old because I desperately needed a day off, some me time.  And I took post baby exercise classes starting when Noah was 6 weeks old. Maybe I'm just the epidural loving type of girl that this book is written for.  

The Introduction of the book is titled, "French Children Don't Throw Food."  This is wonderful news for me because one of my biggest gripes is that Noah throws his food at almost every meal in my house (but almost never in restaurants).  I'm not sure if she actually gave instructions on how to accomplish this but something to the effect of saying, "I don't agree with that."  I tried it at dinner tonight after Noah took a tiny piece of broccoli in each hand and threw them in opposite directions.  I think the Husband thinks I lost my mind.  But guess what only two pieces of broccoli ended up on the floor.  Similar verbiage is used for a hitting infraction.  Instead of, "Don't hit Johnny," Parisians say, "You don't have the right to hit Johnny."  We'll have to see if that one works.

As a SAHM who enjoys playing with her kid on the playground there were things that I couldn't get completely behind but I didn't find fault in them.  I just saw it as another perspective.  Though I do enjoy playing with Noah there are plenty of times I'd rather chat with a friend while the kids played calmly together instead of jumping in to settle sharing disputes, chasing Noah through Bean Traders as he makes one of his at least 3 escapes during our hour there, or ensuring that he doesn't kill himself as he calmly walks off a 4ft high playground structure into thin air at 15 months old.  I admire the French are able to do this and would love a balance of play and mommy time.  

My favorite chapter in the book is titled, "The Perfect Mother Doesn't Exist."  As a mom, I feel like I defend myself or my child on our choices or why it works for us.  Then I often regret doing so.  I'm happy with our family choices so I should just move on.  This chapter talks a bit about the guilt of American moms and how the French see it a bit differently by saying no mother is perfect we are all doing what we can.  Druckerman is quick to point out that child care and school is state subsidized and free, which eliminates a lot of stressors.  All the kids get the same information at the same time.  From 1-3 years old they go to the cretche to learn socialization pretty much exclusively; no academics.  This sounds great to me because I'm not putting Noah into preschool this year; we are waiting until he's at least 3 maybe 4.  After the cretche the kids go to preschool where they learn to follow directions; kids don't learn to read until 6.  This feels so much more relaxed and less pressured and FUN.

I had a hard time with the snacking.  If you've met my child you will know his favorite thing to say is, "Hungry, hungry, hungry."  In France kids eat 4 times a day and their snack is around 4pm.  Based on the baby book I read, I also kept Noah on a schedule of feeding after waking up, not feeding to go to sleep and moving it towards actual meal times as quickly as I could.  But he has a snack every morning around 10-10:30am and again at 3 or 3:30pm; maybe even more than one snack.  I need a snack too! I'm hungry.  I also think it would be hard to implement no snacking in the morning in Noah's world.  Everyone else is snacking, he wants one too.  Though I do try delay tactics, wait until storytime is over, or after the bubbles.  Sometimes he forgets, most of the time he doesn't.  I do say No sometimes, but not like the French mommas.  We do eat healthy and I do expect Noah to eat what we are eating.  No matter if he likes it or not, he usually throws it- UGGG!  I do keep meals short; I had read 20 minutes in my American parenting books, Druckerman advises 30 (same difference).

I need to work more on my convictions and scary big eyes.  This seems to be the key to children understanding you mean business, no means no, and all that good stuff in France.  I think the other key is that French kids are given a lot of opportunity to explore and become "aware" without the helicoptering that when No is told with conviction they know it means No.  We don't have that in this house.  I mean it works sometimes, but I have a runner and I haven't stopped the running yet.   And I admit that I'm an overbearing parent spouting a lot of "don't touch," "careful," "gentle," "we do it this way."  Instead of policing actions, the French feel like they are teaching; make it a game, ask questions. Letting go to gain control; again this makes some common sense.  Apparently there is also a mom mantra (other than none of us are perfect): It's me who decides.  And I should decide! I'm the grownup.  Druckerman feels powerful just saying it to herself.  Gotta put this one to use too!   

Another big point of the book is that while French women love their children just as much as American moms do, they have their own lives too.  Children are not the center of attention all the time; everything they do is not simply the most amazing thing you've ever seen. They go back to work, they have babysitters and go on dates (though this word does not exist in french), they are people who have lives independent of their children.  I can see how this makes for a more balanced world and happier parents.  I do have a babysitter I use regularly but I struggle with this balance too.  Noah's only just about 2; isn't everything he's doing just so special?  No, I guess it's not but it's a hard mentality to break.

As with any parenting book I read, there are things to take away from it and other things to forget I've read.  There are lots of personal stories from Druckerman's own family and friends to make it seem less parenting book and more a fun tale of a woman in a foreign city trying to figure out the lay of the mom land.  And while I am the helicoptering mom at the playground starting and stopping conversations as I run after my child who's trying to escape through the gate he knows how to open, I don't want to be that mom.  I didn't have to read this book to know that there is another way  and I didn't feel my parenting 'style' was attacked or threatened by the book.

Pinterest Peeves

It's no secret that I'm a Pinterest fan and a bit Pinterest obsessed but I'm beginning to wonder if Pinterest has gotten a little bit of an ego.  I guess they have had one since the beginning; I mean you have to be invited to join.  It's difficult to join if you aren't a FB or Twitter member.  If you have FB it seems you also need to have upgraded to Timeline to join.  A friend I invited to join recently told me there is a waitlist.  Waitlist for what? It's the internet; the space is virtual, there is room for all.  But I did make two Pintastic things this week so Pinterest I still love you but you need to get over yourself.

The other pet peeve I have about Pinterest has to do with where you are supposed to type the 'name' of the Pin.  I get annoyed when pinners just keep the 'name' portion the same as the previous pinner. I don't mean pin names like, "Cute wedge," "Perfect weekend outfit," "Puppies!" or "Crockpot Chicken, Rice, and Broccoli Casserole."  I mean when the name is "My son will love these homemade bubbles" and you have a daughter. Or when I type out what I liked about a recipe, "This was really good, but I added too much vanilla" and it just gets repinned.  You know who you are!

Anyways, I should and do have bigger things to be annoyed about.  Onto the Pintastic yumminess from this week!

I've been making smoothies at home for Noah recently with no recipe- frozen mango, pineapple, strawberry, some yogurt, milk, and ice.  They are good!!  But then I saw The Sleep Doctor's Sleep Slim Smoothie all over Pinterest.  The Husband takes melatonin sometimes before bed and I've been upping my workout ethic recently so this seemed like the perfect smoothie to try.  I used frozen cherries that I defrosted and blended first instead of cherry juice.  The first time I made it I got a little heavy handed with the vanilla but it was still good.  I made it again with less banana (even 1/2 is very strong) and less vanilla and it was really good.  Who knows about the better sleep or raised metabolism but it's good enough to keep drinking it.  I've made it every evening that I've done a workout to try to boost me since I can't do weights with my wrist issues.  Hopefully Dr. Oz is right!

Friday I made Sweet and Spicy Honey Grilled Shrimp for dinner over brown rice with peppers.  This dish was very good and I really liked the marinade though I messed up the peppers (oh well it's only the vegetable).  I baked the shrimp in the oven at 350 for 3 minutes on each side instead of grilling because it was raining.  My only criticism of this recipe is I had to buy half of the ingredients new because they aren't pantry staples.   It didn't take long (10minutes or less) to get all the ingredients in the bowl.  The frozen (thawed obviously before marinading), raw, deveined shrimp only marinaded for 4-5 hours because I didn't see the 24-48 beforehand.  I will definitely make it again and use up the rest of the chili pastes.

I actually need to curb my Pinterest obsession a little bit. I have four books on my nightstand, well three actual books and one Kindle book.  And book club is Wednesday!  I'm about 62% (Kindle book) through with Swamplandia! my book club book. I'm half way through Holy Cow: An Indian Adventure which I honestly haven't touched since November.  And I have two 'How to discipline your toddler' books to begin!  If anyone has any recommendations on the disciplining the toddler I'm all ears!